australians dont have sex

australians mate

I spat out my coffee

sorry about your image


(via m3gababe)

(via ecooli)

(via upstateblues)

Anonymous asked: At what age did you lose your virginity?


I never lost mine, I just absorb other peoples’, making my virginity grow stronger and stronger in preparation for the final battle. 


I moved these lil guys off the concrete and put them back into the bushes

(via upstateblues)


isn’t it creepy that from the day you are born you start to die

(via sextnoise)


when your waiter comes out with food but it’s for another table




(via sextnoise)


Tiny kitten demonstrates expert throat-slitting technique. Nature is amazing.

(via sextnoise)

(via unperceptible)

bertdey greeting

I loev u yaneh happie borndey 2 dat cutest crossbreed op panda & bulldog i don kurr ip u call me bully bacos dazz mah loev por u but i swear im gonna get u a guinea pig idek when ples don eat it wen u hab it oreadyy i kno theyre cute but ur butt is da cutest.

u kno i wanna marry ur cheeks bacos gorg ebur but u look severely ugly w/o ur cheeks it just scares me and i kno im not cool bacos im only room temp im so sorry ip not cool ples lam me

i remember d sausage simile u wrote i jus pel in lam more wd u bacos ur d saltiest homie ever poreber & ip we stay 2gether we stay porebs bacos salt preserbs d sausages and idek wer im goin now

i loev u and i crie ur a bigger gurl nao i just :((((((((((

happie borndey i wish u dem hot pizzas and huge burgerss and a successful career and medals and honors and laughters and more followers i loev u so mats